We got some work to do now.  This baby would baffle even Scooby and the gang.  More Suri news has surfaced, with Penelope Cruz stating that she has in fact seen Suri, telling reporters "I met Suri. She is really beautiful. She is really special. One of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen."  Translation: "My psycho ex has threatened to have me offed by the Scientology mafia if I don't go on record as having seen this baby and insisting that she is beautiful.  Beautiful! BEAUTIFUL!!!"  

Still, putting aside Cruise's own insanity for a moment, there are other reasons that this account of a Suri Sighting strike me as false.  Let's revisit the *very first* Suri sighting by a celebrity.  I'll ask you to go back to a little time I like to call mid-July, when Leah Remini, who is best known now for her role on CBS's King of Queens, but will always be Stacey Carosi to me and all other Saved By the Bell fans around the world, also went on record as having visited Suri, even held her.  Remini stated, "She's a newborn and normal sized." 

Um.  Wow.  I hope when/if I have children of my own, even if they are troll-like in their ugliness, my friends will at least pretend to find them mildly adorable.  You know there's something wrong when one person claims that a baby is "really beautiful" and "really special," and someone else can only say that said baby is "normal-sized."  Oh wait.  Is the fact that she's normal-sized what makes her really special?  Or maybe the fact that she's a newborn?  Yeah, that's a special quality for a baby to have.  Oh, Scooby-Doo, where are you?  I need help solving this mystery.