Well, I didn't get that gig as Stephen Hawking's intern (something about the part of my brain that does math resembling Nicole Richie's weight-to-mass ratio, whatever that means), but someone up there still likes me.  Bob Woodward has put out a call for an "exceptional research and reporting assistant" to "act as Bob’s right hand man or woman."  I have to say, I was born to do this job. Ever since I was a little boy in the Greek isles I...wait, what does that part say:

To be blunt, we are probably NOT looking for someone 24-25 years old...

Oh, Bob Woodward.  You will rue the day you turned me down as your right hand man or woman.  Do you hear me? Rue!